ashes... :)

4weeks ago...
in some ways... songs are like decoders.. taping the lifes that we live(err..crap!)... sort of..
anyway.. i copied this whole collection of mp3s from youppe before i got onboard about 2 weeks ago.. and it wasn't about 2 days ago that i started listening to them.. scanning every single folder that i took.. and in some ways i felt like i was going back through time.. especially when i open up ash. how i missed their songs.. songs i'd hummed all day..those words i'd used.. it was the band that made me realised how good alternative was..

"Feelings are distant and I know guilt by name, It was the hardest thing Watching you slip away Oh sometimes, sometimes

Oh sometimes, sometimes

Sometimes it happens feelings die Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye We once had it all but events conspired Oh sometimes....."

one of my favourites.. not as deep... but i guess i had always loved plain simple words. which was ash. **sighh...

4 days ago...
without realising it.. todays raya.. wtf..??its 7 already.. by 8 i should be in the control room.. luckily today by 9 we can knock off..just a quick round in the engine room for today. for the sake of raya.. heh:) and luckily we have 1 person competent enough to recite the khutbah.. so.. adela jugak semayang raya. alhamdulillah.. :p and the weather's quite nice today.. and the ships not rolling as hard.. i guess it was a great day.. after semayang raya.. had some chow.. then went back to bed.. SELAMAT HARI RAYE, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN. oh.. luckily youppe had one whole folder of raya songs.. so i slept with the sound and those feeling of singing with my brothers back in prep school in 96. i wasn't feeling that bad celebrating raya onboard... was looking forward to it actually.. but remembering that feeling that i had back in 96 when we had to fast in prep school that made me miss a bit of home.. fucking raya songs... anyway.. selamat raye and selamat deepavali. maaf zahir batin!

today..
its port day in bintulu.. me with my phone connecting to the internet with a rate that would make a 28.8 bps modem sounds like heaven.... while others with their phone connecting across the sea.. talking to someone they care.. i almost had one.. that girl that had what i need..heh.. turns out it was something that i couldn't have. anyway.. called 1 or 2 friends... wish them raya.. sigh..better get to sleep then.. tomorrow's another day of work.. weh.. check out blog youppe.. poetis tahap tinggi nyer.. wish i could go a bit to that sort of level.. rather than mumbling around nonsense(about the same old girl..??).. heh:)


sometimes, lost in you,girl from mars,burn baby burn,goldfinger,angel interceptor,a life less ordinary,walking barefotted,starcrossed,shining light,i'm gonna fall..etc..etc...f***--->fav ash songs..

below is a post which i wrote yesterday(out of boredom) but didn't have the time to finish it so i saved it as a draft...
.....

i'm in cyber now... spending my last few days before going off to sea. my flight to bintulu is tomorrow... and my ship's coming in on the 3rd. come to think of it, i got around 24 hours before going to the airport tomorrow.. sucks...

anyway,woke up from my sleep.. 8 a.m in cyber is always good.. i don't know why but there'll always be that scent before rain that the breeze brings in.. (ke mmg nak hujann...hmmm??) gonna miss that scent. anyway.. semlm jumper mirul, daud,ghazali.. the regulars at shah alam.. had some laughs(as always...) and daud kept asking about that girl(and laughing along the way..) which girl..? some girl.. hahaha..(tanak cakp..) anyway.. she already has a bf.. and me, with a little bit of guilt i guess.. still chats around with her.. sometimes things you hope for won't always be the things you need... and the things that i need, well... i found some of it in her.. nevermind..

.....
a day later(er..thats today..) i'm in a cyber cafe(loser gilerr) in bintulu... just read a testimonial daud left in my frenster.. and a comment he left in www.1995srss2.blogspot.com(our chatroom..??huhuhuh).. sedey lak rase.. never felt so appreciated by a friend... i guess in a way, the primary school reunion was a success.. i mean now i have friends i never known i had... friends i thought i'd lost.. thanks guys.

oh.. ade buat fotopage... kat stretch.fotopages.com...

ok..chiow.

http://stretch.fotopages.com

plain stupid..

i was gazing at the ceiling..alone in my room..watching a spider knitting away at the corner.. damn spider. i smiled to myself for about a minute before i realised how retarded i look... 2 weeks ago somebody told me that she has a boyfriend.. wasn't that heartbroken..but it took me some time to realise how life's irony happens when you least want it too.. and when it does, it really hits you at the spot. ealier during my holiday i spend a lot of time with the guys at cyber...as i watch al, riq.. ptt.. and watching acai typing deviously on his phone... i realised how alone it felt.. i felt.. its been a long time to actually talk with somebody..6 years..maybe..?

'come on stretch..bole nih..' that was riqs quote..haha..
'kitorang support nih..'-cyberria's..
'rase rushing giler..' -that was somebody's quote...(damnn..huhu)
'rakus..'-err..that's petet's and mache's..
'hahaha'-kunk
"stretchhhhhh.."-shoul

ok..what actually happen was, riq help out.. the guys at cyber supported it.. the result came out..then the critics went wild.. anyway, didn't really care much cause it was just fun and games.. and alone is always better for me than being dishonest with myself.. when the chemicals just don't add up.. its no use getting the extra potion.
but that was around 6 weeks ago...and after that its back to the joypad and keyboard..(winning eleven mmg terbaekkk...)

then one day.. i met with a friend from primary school.. and what started out as a joke, later on.. became one of the best gath i've went... full details at www.1995srss2.blogspot.com.
one of the job was looking for contact no's... and 1 no particularly caught the eye... long lost crush..?old flame maybe..heh... atau mmg takde kerja..huhu. after a few msg's later..

"derah ngat mung nih... dok kohor doh..." -apis first impression..
"lekk bohhh..." -zaki's
"takdela..memain jeh.. mana ade tunang.. tapi bakalla..." -somebody's words... hahaha
"hahahahhaha.." -hazid's

**sigh... when you really want something most, it'll always end up being the things you can't have. life's jokes at its best. irony isn't it.? anyway.. two days, a few karaoke and 2 nights in a row at fasya's later and everything went to normal... still fun and games i guess(ayat cover..huhu). bole giler..

i guess in one sweet word.. desperation(jgn marah riqqq...).. haha..did i really say that.. i guess it was the feeling of wanting to be needed..being somebody's in shining armor... or maybe it was just the fact of wanting to find somebody to share something with.. i guess two months holiday without doing nothing really did made me felt a bit... lonely i guess. it was just plain stupidity.

don't really know what else to write actually...and the spider's done with its web. better get a broom..

life's irony.. sucks.

a tribute....

damn.. luper tutup curtain lagik.. by 8 i can feel the bright scorching sun touching my skin..and thats the end of my sleep.. why did i forgot to close the curtain..damnn! start the pc..listen to some mp3s... and hey.. why not open the blog..
anyway.. i was writing down a few notes about the upcoming primary school reunion the other day(yes its that serious...) and found this sketchy article that i wrote after SPM. first idea nak buat website..kire mcm tribute utk all blacks 2000... even got some pictures scaned during that time.. ntah mana hilang ntah gamba tuh... anyway.. here's how i wrote it... mind the mentality and simple english as its coming from somebody who just finished his SPM..

some might say.. great spirits overcomes everything..and action speaks for itself.. and for every single game that i've played last year, each one is an enjoyable one.. in every game..every field.. every single second that i'm with my mates of blacks..i know its gonna be a good,incredible game..no matter the odds..whatever the outcome. heck..vajiravudh and those KSAH boys was 5 times bigger than us in size(over exaggerating)...but we always have confidence..cause we have our own heavyweights.. we have mache and butcher..vaji and pondar.. 3 of them didn't even play during KSAH.. and then there's shoul..muscle streaming through his arms and legs(dulula..huhu)....he can hook and throw with ease.. then there's fidz..gaban and bean.. never taller than the opponent during a lineout, but never loses a ball... even the scrums are hard to break with them as lock. then there's the loose forwards.. our mighty kerbo..baeng.. and myself.(hehe:)) and later on topet came and developed fast... kerbo with his robust..and baeng with his speed..topet with his sadistic and scary gameplay(literally)..man how i love the forwards.. shout a name and they'll be there for you..then there's kadak as scrum half..who knows whether its out to the heavyweights, going for his incredible break.. or out to the lines.. where there'll be petet waiting to do his sometimes magical touch who can make a winning game.. to acai who always know what to do with the ball in the centre of the field...then rudy who kicks ass with his unpredictable dummies and sidesteps.. pass it to our wingers, ash and jimmy or sometimes eddy... fucking fast they are.. and lastly to the invicible imy... our mighty fullback.. our brick wall and our canonball... even the reserves..al,hijjas,raihan, poklare,cowboy,skaters,charles,alang,mimir.... every one of them can play a good game and back the team up when we're hit..
a slight movement, a feint sound, even with closed eyes..and we'd still know what to do with the ball.. we were confident and we trusted each other.even if its the impossible.. we'd still trust 'em.. thats how deep our brotherhood..teamwork is..
early during the year we were coachless..i thought it was gonna be a disastraous year..no coach..few players..disciplinary problems.. but then i was wrong..every one showed great spirit(speret koleq..??heh)..its either we healed as a team..or die as individual..and we healed! a team was born..and later on J.J came as coach and we became stronger.
it was a fucking good team..best team i've played..we'd be in every final a tournament can offer...won some..lose some... but in our heart..my heart.. we'll always be the best.
thank you guys. may all the rucks and mauls that we've felt throughout the years is cherished in every single black's heart..we were champions..in a way of our own.

haha... bkn main semangat lagik... then there was suppose to be pictures put all around the article.. just to make it more nostalgic..and to prove a point.. sort of.. anyway.. nowadays.. though weight 20kg more and run 10sec slower than before.. some of us still play.. in fact petet is handling the mcoba team.. only imy seems to be doing good and looks the same...
went to koleq last 3 weeks and had a friendly with them.. never really met them and i don't dare comment on anything.but from the game we played..i just can say that i wish they had more heart.its good that they have that speret koleq..but without the will to improve yourself so that you won't be a burden to your teammates...there'll always be a loop in the team. btw.. the cheering squad left even before the game stopped(wtf!!@#$%^&*)***sigh..those were the days.
dahla tuh.. tgn dah letey.. lain kali la plak..

****

gilaa.. last blog lepas raya..haha.. patut mache marah sgt.. anyway.. few months past(almost a yearr.??..nahh) hmm.. i was gonna write about something just now..hmm.. let me recall.. ooo.. a straight as song.. got that from 9094's blog..


"The Kolej Song is more than enough to invoke pride, to inspire, to motivate collegians for the past few decades to strive for excellence. I don't see why the present boys cannot feel the same pride and the song not to have the same effect on them. Just because no where in the song did mention about "mengikut Amalina dapat 17A1" doesn't mean the song has lost its relevance and therefore the need to reinvent the wheel!

Sing this in your heart fellow budak koleq, if you can't feel even a tinge of pride out of this song, go and hurl yourself into Lubuk Mak Anjing:

(....here's where he posted the college song)

No song can better embodies what Malay College is all about - the pride, the tradition of excellence, the history, the meritocracy in action despite its aristocratic beginning (hence "didikan untuk semua"), the hope of every collegian that one day they will make a contribution to the country and its people, and the promise that we may leave MCKK, but MCKK will never leave us ("tak kulupakan jasa-jasamu"). I bet my entire life saving (which is not much) that the newly composed song can come no where near to this song (kudos to Datuk Salleh & Co. who penned the song - unlike its modern day usurper, this song actually came from college boys!)."

kat budak koleq.. pls have a go at the blog... postings where he discussed about koleq..really..how should i put it.. enflames(if there is such a word..).. it gives me a sense of relief that i was not a part of the so-called modern day new malay college.. though i wish i could do more to give present budak koleq the pride..passion..tradition(always love that 3 words that they came up with..) that we instill.. just have a go at the blog.. pls..

last few weeks been quite hectic.. spent most of my days in cyberjaya.. chasing, searching.. or is it waiting for the perfect sunrise.. only to realise its broad daylight and the sun needs to set first(ape gelak2 riq..??).... then again it was great spending time with the guys.. wasting their rm20 electricity bills.

this coming 3rd sept some friends of mine from primary school(srss2) is holding a reunion.. helping out in anyway i can.. check out www.1995srss2.blogspot.com for full details. kalau berani bacela... huhu.

and now its back home..counting the days,waiting for that one piece of paper telling me to go back to work.... then it'll be another 4 months.. fuhh.....